


Elevator

by AssassinsDeed



Category: Fazilet Hanim ve Kizlari
Genre: F/M, Yaghaz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-09-01 10:55:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16763749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AssassinsDeed/pseuds/AssassinsDeed
Summary: A re-imagining of the 38th Episode elevator scene of Fazilet Hanim ve Kizlari.





	Elevator

**Author's Note:**

> This happens just after the graveyard ordeal Yagiz and Hazan go thru..

-"Hazan already got over it Yagiz.."

-"Of course she is over it. Afterall it is mine, the heart and the ache both.."

\- "Put her on the phone!"

-"I'm with you.. I'm with you.."

-"It is too late for her now.."

"She's already over it.."

"I heard you are worried about a girl called Hazan"

"I'm with you.."

"Hazan! I know you are there! I know you are still breathing, I am here, you're with me"

"I'm with you.." 

"HAZAN!"

Yagiz woke up with his own scared voice in his head and a sharp pain in his heart. His bedroom felt like an unechoic chamber in comparison to the dream he just woke up from. What he had was no nightmare. No. For if it were one, he could easily reason that it was all a product of his own imagination. But it wasn't. What he had was a replay of the most terrifying moments of his life mixed with a bitter-sweet memory of the happiest few seconds. So his mind went on override and his heart ached to the degree of numbness. He felt deserted. He felt happy and scared, lost and found all at the same time. As the reality of the events of the previous day sank in, he broke into another cold sweat. He wondered how many more nights he would be haunted by the same visions until he liberated himself from those. He wondered if he ever wanted to really erase the memory those moments with Hazan, despite the darkness the rest of it bore. He didn't want to speculate that just yet.

His clock showed 05:38 as he lost all hope of going back to sleep. He discarded his sleeping shirt that was soaked in cold sweat in the laundry and sought comfort in a hot shower. While he turned the hot water on, he observed that his shower was slightly bigger than the grave their kidnappers burried him and Hazan in. Surprised that he wasn't at all distressed to think about that grave, he strangely found that he treasured those several moments of horror. The faded memory of his courage just when he was about to tell Hazan that he loved her washed over him anew. The courage he ironically found only after he felt the cold barrel of the kidnapper's gun on his nape, he mused back in the moment, was kindness, it was a gift. He would finally pour his heart to her in a moment when he thought he had nothing else to lose. The look of fear for his life on Hazan's face, was a gift. She scooted over to him despite the cold metal threat that would end everything before he got to tell her how he felt. Her little act of bravery to be closer to him in the face of a possible death at the hands of this rented dog, was a gift. The single big tear she shed for his miserable sake, was a gift. Was she the same girl that once threw daggers to him with her looks?

He knew if he, per chance, survived this; he would treasure all these memories. A treasure he would have to carry to his grave for the happiness of his own brother. The joke was on him. If all didn't turn out, at least he would get to die while looking in her eyes. So he begged maybe for the first time in his life:

"Look at me, Hazan. Just look at me.." 

It felt like eternity since Yagiz taught himself not to hope anything from her side. But then his mind lingered again on the things she told him. Would she rather die there with him than to leave without him? Could she care for him so much? What was it that she wanted to tell him? He did not dare hope.. He did not dare expect.. He did not dare imagine she could feel anything of the sort for him. And if there was any bonding back there in the scene, he couldn't hold it against her. According to Farah yesterday night, she did recover from whatever happened in the graveyard. He decided to settle for his treasured memories and settle he would. As he left the shower the foggy scenery left its place to a little more forced clarity in his mind. He turned back to the hard, cold reality as he set his foot on the tile flooring. He willed himself to face the dull reality while he wiped a patch on the mirror. "She got over it" he reminded himself. "It is all mine, the heart and the ache both"

The next couple of hours went by on autopilot. He prepared breakfast, busied himself with a book he barely turned a page of.. When he thought it was an appropriate hour he picked up his new mobile phone, which he didn't remember asking for or ordering but was provided by God knows which trainee in the company, and gave a call to Erdal. He had no news on Kerime, but since Yagiz was more interested in securing Hazan from any other such attempt; he brushed off the information that Kerime is a runaway now and made a point of strictly ordering extra security for Hazan. Just when he thought he made an easy comeback to his business modus, the wound on his nape ached sharply. The ground under his feet felt like quicksand; one from which he did not want to be freed, and his mind jumped to the hospital corridor all of a sudden where he held Hazan despite his father, Fazilet and Sinan looking at them. In that bubble of crackling white hot longing he was too weak to withstand her pull. That might have been his only chance to breathe her in, or to press her fragile body freely to himself in an attempt to become complete. He revelled in the freedom.

When he got lightheaded other visions tore into his mind in a chain reaction. First that of Sinan, then of Nil telling him about the kiss he shared with Sinan. He made a quick job of seeking out Sinan's number on the new mobile phone and quite to his distaste found out that his phone is again off. After he left him a voice message, he made for the door. It was time for him to go out there with his armour and carry on as if last two nights did not happen.

His resolution got the first chink through a clicking sound at Hazan's door, as soon as he reached the elevators. Involuntarily, his head turned there and his eyes met hers. He decided that the best course of action was to head straight to the elevator so he insistently pressed the calling button, as if it would speed things up if he pressed it multiple times. He was relieved that the doors opened to him soon enough and he got in unceremoniously like a wounded animal looking for refuge. He nearly broke the button that would close the doors and take him safely to the entrance. When the doors did not close as quickly as he hoped and the sound of her footsteps closed in signalling her arrival, he chastised himself for his obvious cowardice. He would laugh at himself if he didn't break into another cold sweat because of his stress. The doors closed at first not fast enough; but then too quickly just when he changed his mind. So he held up a hand to force the door open and his eyes met Hazan's for the second time in less than a minute.

While she entered the elevator her dark long hair whipped the air around him and her scent attacked his senses. He could almost hear that first chink cracking further and forming a huge ruin where he needed his armour to be. He was absolutely not sure if that was a good idea to entrap himself here with her willingly. And if he thought it was not fast enough with the doors a second ago, it had nothing on the elevator dallying through 38 floors with only two of them in it. When it felt like they have been there for some 10 minutes and he didn't know what else to do he decided to check the little display. As feared, they just made it to the 36th floor.

By the corner of his eye he could swear he saw that she looked at him. He risked another look and nearly missed her eyes. When he didn't have any other strategy than trying to make eye contact like shy teenagers he got angry. Not at himself or at her.. Just angry that he was robbed of the comfort to make a simple conversation. And God knows he needed to talk to her. Ask her himself how she is handling it all even though he knew she got over it. Make her understand that she doesn't owe him anything. Maybe put on an act that all can go back to before even though he was miles away from normal himself. He needed to be at least able to act his previous self as a friend in her life. He needed all of that despite the void he felt now after the fact.

So he pressed the emergency stop button before he knew what he was doing. The elevator came to an abrupt stop mid-floor. He turned to Hazan with dozens of thoughts hovering over his head none of them within his reach anymore. He risked another look into her eyes having forgotten all he wanted to say. What he found in her shiny dark eyes looking back at him brought back the quicksand feeling and grounded him at the same time. Having found something familiar from last night in those eyes, he didn't know if he should be afraid or relieved. He realised for the first time the little bump on her temple that was hidden under make up and he tasted earth in his mouth. He wanted to close the distance between them and take a closer look. Or at least ask but it seemed like a stupid place to start a conversation. He tried to will himself to stop staring and form a coherent sentence but she beat him to it until he decided where to start; so they spoke almost at the same time:

"You wanted to say something..

"What was it.. 

This was when he processed with a delay that the staring was reciprocal, just as the curiosity. He also realised how her complexion was robbed off the natural blush she always entertained. Her eyes were glossy. She spoke again while he was observing her in detail.

"You look like you haven't slept in weeks.."

"Yeah, I.. went to bed early but couldn't sleep as long as I expected."

"Went to bed early? I thought you were having a movie night."

He decided she was kidding.

"A movie night is way down on the list of things I would do after an adventure such as ours.."

The word 'ours' tasted heavenly on his tongue.

"So..You never got to tell me what you wanted to say.."

"Neither did you."

"Right.."

He caught the hint of a blush climbing up her chest and neck, but he needed to come up with an answer to that ominous question.

"I thought you recovered from yesterday's events so promptly that you wouldn't care to hear.."

She frowned almost invisibly. Yagiz knew each detail on her face by heart so he could catch it. Before he could say more she tipped her chin up in defiance.

"Not everyone is as strong as you are, Yagiz Egemen. You may think me dandy, but I am not about to make a show of false strength. Maybe you can even believe me when I say that occasionally one doesn't want to recover from.."

Hazan got louder and paler as she went on and Yagiz caught movement on her part in the still elevator. In the last moment he was able to lunch himself toward Hazan hoping to catch her before she landed on the floor.  
Quickly he has secured her against himself, strapping one long arm around her waist while using the other as leverage against the cold metal elevator wall.  
"You are fine. I'm here."  
Was all he could say. For a moment he wanted to repeat all his promises from last night and more. He chided himself for his weakness.

"I haven't eaten properly since i was taken.. that's why.."

She offered clumsily.

"I thought you were cooking for Sinan last night"

He answered without thinking. Even he was surprised at his own jealousy that sipped through this almost bitter come back.

"Cooking is way down on the list of things I would do after an adventure such as ours.."

She served him his words back. Yagiz decided to concentrate on her words. Except he couldn't.

"Yagiz. You are crushing me..Yagiz"

He realised he was still holding her. No. He was pressing her against himself. Her silent penting gave away that he should let go. He even decided to let her go. Except he couldn't. The proximity brought back the already fresh memories of last night. Hazan scooting toward him. The cold metal pressing against his skin. The fear that something might happen to her. The fear that something might happen to him before he could tell her how much he... No. This was not supposed to happen. It was his turn to lose balance and get light headed. The quicksand returned under his feet. All he could sense was Hazan. Her face closer than ever before. Her breath on his face like a drug. Her scent enveloping him, threatening to follow wherever he goes. Her eyes trying to ask the hardest questions he cannot answer out loud. The contact dangerously lurking into his mind, burning the moment into his memory for good. He collected himself and decided one last time to let her go. When he made his move to put some distance between himself and Hazan, she threw her hand around him keeping him in place. While he was still caught in the crossfire of his mind and heart she undid the silence with her question:

"Did you get over it?"

He searched her eyes looking for more hints as to what she meant. She must have seen through his silence because she offered:

"The night in the graveyard, our night.. did you get over it?"

When he failed to come up with an answer she pushed him away and turned her back to him, cutting the contact immediately. Hiding the stupid tears she never meant to cry.

"Hazan… I.."

Yagiz wandered off, his words failed him in the moment he needed them most. Before he could form a straight answer or say anything that will make sense he heard her voice again. This time it was masked with some assumed strength.

"It's okay.. It's not like I can expect anything.."

Yagiz got angry again. He was furious with himself for making her cry. All Yagiz knew was the truth. So he had to offer it to her. In the hope of making her understand he spun her around and concentrated his eyes on hers:

"Hey, look at me. Look at me, you can always expect anything from me. And to your question: I didn't. And I don't think I will ever get over it. All I can think about is that graveyard. And you. I do not know how to get over something that penetrates each thought,each moment. I do not mind the trauma as much. But it is going to drive me mad if you don't tell me what it is you wanted to tell me.."

"Yagiz, I dare not say it out loud."

Even in tvis moment he understood how similar they were. Hazan moved in to hug Yagiz, wrapping her arms around his waist then burried her head into the crook of his neck. That was all the confirmation he needed..

" It's okay. You are with me.."

" I'm with you."


End file.
